Key Issues Being Investigated After Training
Tragedies
Posted on Sunday, June 15,
2008
Topic:
Local
News
by Nyonya Kway
Following the tragic deaths of two national servicemen during
training, a thorough investigation will be conducted by the
Ministry of Defensiveness and Eliminating Any Threats to the
Hegemony (MINDEATH).
Here’s
what our sources tell us they’ll be looking
into:
1. Whether Singaporean children nowadays are less fit and more
guniang.
2. Whether Singaporean parents nowadays pamper their kids too
much.
3. Whether the haze from Indonesia was a factor.
4. Whether global warming was a factor.
5. Whether mosquitoes lah, dengue lah, HFMD lah, chikungunya lah,
were factors.
6. The feasibility of protecting citizens by outsourcing NS to
Foreign Talent and creating a new cohort to be named ‘NSFTs’ for
‘National Service Foreign Talent’.
7. Whether the deceased servicemen could have been saved by being
accorded White Horse status.
8. The feasibility in the future of allowing maids to enlist with
NSFs, so they can accompany them on exercise, carry their full
pack, cook their rations, etc.
9. Whether deaths can be prevented by offering monetary rewards to
servicemen for not dying.
10. Whether we can come up with scientific proof that shit just
happens.
11. Who and what else we can blame other than existing military
procedures.
12. What are immediate preventative measures we can take, such
as:
a. Preventing some Forum page writer from asking, chope, weren’t we
supposed to have investigated this stuff after the similar deaths
of several servicemen three years ago, when it was also revealed
that 19 servicemen died of heart attacks, including 5 during
training? So how come still lai dat, ha?
b. Preventing the families of the deceased from suing.
c. Preventing smartass citizens from calling for the Defensive
Minister’s resignation, after the whole MSK/WKS debacle.
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